Weed, wine, and a wandering mind.

I used to wake up every day thinking… this is it, eh? This is life.  

And don’t get me wrong, I had a beautiful life. I was reasonably happy. I did love everything I had, very much, don’t get me wrong. I had everything I was supposed to want.

But, I still felt lost.

I felt like I was watching my life happen from an outside perspective.

There she goes, off to her stupid “good job” with the nice benefits and nice coworkers and nice holidays and nice company. This evening she’ll come home, maybe get dinner ready, and clean the house up a bit, and maybe go for a stupid little walk around her cute little neighbourhood.

I’d watch myself buffer my discontent with weed, wine, and a wandering mind.

This is how I’d always dealt with discomfort in the past – escape: to a new place, find new people, get a new job, take up a new hobby, just find new something. What finally changed everything, was doing the inner work. I’d always been in therapy, and talked a big game about it, but realistically, I was intellectualizing my emotions instead of feeling them. I was trying to validate and explain and understand them.

When I finally sat down with them, saw them, felt them, held them… that’s when the veil lifted. That’s when I was able to really do the inner work.

I faced my patterns.

I examined my limiting beliefs.

And, I started listening to my thoughts. What have I been telling myself?

Are those things true?

If those things are not true, then what is actually possible?

I stopped looking outside for answers and solutions, and realized they were inside me the whole time.

If you’re feeling like this is it, like… it sucks for everyone, right? Everyone hates their job, it’s normal. Everyone loves Friday! Everyone is annoyed with their spouse. Everyone is exhausted. Everyone is broke. If you are feeling that, then I invite you to consider that maybe… just maybe… that’s not true. That you can absolutely live a life that is beautiful. Peaceful. Inspired. Full of gratitude.

Ultimately, a life that is aware.

And I think, deep down… you know that’s true. I knew it. My intuition knew it. That feeling in the pit of your stomach telling you something isn’t right? That’s it. That’s the knowing.

And if you have that feeling, let me assure you:

If you listen, you will reap profound rewards.

Do the work. Find your purpose. Live the life you are meant to.  

Do. The. Work.