The Chronic Satisfaction Problem

There's an activity at the bottom of this post, so if you don't feel like reading the whole thing, you can skip to the end!

I want to talk about the difference between being satisfied with your life, and being in love with your life. This might seem like a very obvious difference when you read it on paper, but I think it's much harder to recognize when looking inward.

This post will also give you a better explanation of why I love working with clients who desire Transformational Change in their lives. It's the long & short story of how I learned the importance of never giving up.

I used to think that being satisfied with your life was normal. Just satisfied. I thought getting by with just having my needs met was all there was on offer. It seemed socially accepted. You meet someone, if you get along well with them well enough you stay with them. If you find a job that you can tolerate and get some seniority in... some vacation time... some raises... then you stay there. And I sort of tried this approach many times. I kept thinking that if I just found the job that I was the least bored in, I might be able to tolerate it long enough to work until I’m 60.

Except I just couldn’t find that job. I tried so many different things, but nothing fit me well enough that I could imagine staying for 30 years.

I’ve heard myself described using many different adjectives over the course of my life: wayfaring, wandering, lost, chronically dissatisfied, to list a few. I heard it so many times I started to believe that maybe they were right, maybe I was doing life wrong. Maybe I should stop searching.

I've since realized that it wasn't chronic dissatisfaction that always bothered me. It was chronic satisfaction. In each job and place and person I was with, I was satisfied. Life was fine. I was getting by. I was making it work. I was moderately happy! But there was something inside me that kept pushing me further. I kept thinking that surely, SURELY, there must be more than this.

As a summary, and so you can understand why people used those adjectives to describe me, this is how my life has gone up to now:

• Graduated high school with full scholarships to attend University

•  Attended Lakehead University for 3 weeks, just long enough to pass the deadline to defer my scholarships, dropped out, lost them.

• Travelled in Asia for 4 months      

• Moved to Vancouver for 8 months 

• Travelled in Africa for 4 months   

• Moved back to Ontario for the summer

• Moved back to Vancouver, enrolled at UBC and studied physical geography for a year. Loved it, got great grades, made the honour roll, finished my year, dropped out.

• Moved back to Ontario, to a town called Pembroke (where I knew no one), enrolled in a Forestry Technician program

• Graduated the 2 year condensed program 1 year later with honours

•  Moved back to Thunder Bay, got a job as an Aerial Photography Interpreter

•  Finished my 1 year contract at that job, was offered an extension, didn’t take it, moved to Fernie, BC (where I knew no one)

•  Worked as a ski bum for the winter

• Moved back to Thunder Bay for the summer

•  Moved back to Fernie again for the winter, stayed for 2 years, met an Australian man who I fell in love with, moved to Australia to process his residency.

• Moved back to Fernie

• Got a job at the mine in Sparwood operating heavy equipment

•  Left my Australian partner when I was 30 after 5 years of being together

•  Moved to Cranbrook, BC

•  Met my now fiancé, soon to be husband

•  Moved to Creston BC

•  Got a great job posting as Breaker Operator at the mine; very sought after, lots of rest time. I had 5 years of working there under my belt, so I knew everyone, ran many different pieces of equipment, had good vacation time.

•  Quit that job to work for Western Financial in Creston

•  Got my insurance license (not easy), became an insurance agent

This was a great job, with great pay, and great co workers. It was a 2 minute drive from my house. Permanent, full-time, benefits, vacation time, great company. So there I was, with a beautiful family, a step-son, a fiancé, a job close to home that allowed me to connect with my community… I was very satisfied.

But I wasn’t satisfied with being satisfied.

I knew there HAD TO BE MORE. This couldn’t be the way that people were expected to exist, could it?! Just being happy enough to get by, waiting for Friday, dreading Monday, counting the days and years until I could retire… sacrificing attending family events because I had to work… feeling generally uninspired at my job and counting the hours on the clock… was that really living?

I was in weekly therapy for a solid year during that time. I’ve always been in therapy, off and on since I was 14. I can’t say enough good things about having a good therapist. As a result, I was growing, I was healing, and I was seeking more.

The more I interacted with clients at the insurance office, the more I was beginning to realize that I loved working with people. People would sit at my desk and talk to me. They’d tell me about their wife who had passed, or their divorce, or whatever other things were happening in their lives. I didn’t ask, it came out naturally. And I was THERE FOR IT. It was my favourite part of my job, hearing these stories and offering little more than an ear and some compassion.

Eventually, a friend pointed me in the direction of the course that I took through the NET institute. I read about it, realized there was an opening in the course that was available in 2 weeks. But I had to get through a great deal of course content before the opening date for me to feel confident stepping into the live classes of this course - approximately 90 hours of work.

I knew what I had to do.

After talking with my fiancé about it, we decided together that I needed to dive in.

I still remember that moment. We were sitting on the deck, and I was excitedly but nervously proposing this notion of leaving my job to take this course and immerse myself in the world of Coaching. I will forever be grateful to him for what he said to me then,

“I don’t understand why you didn’t register yesterday when you mentioned it. This is what you are supposed to be doing. I think this will make you really happy, and I know you are going to be really good at it. Just do it.”

And so I did! Just 5 days after I initially started investigating this course, I went to work with an apologetic letter of resignation, and I was done.

I haven’t looked back. This is where I am meant to be. This career shift has finally landed me in something that I don’t dread. I wake up in the morning, and I’m typically working or learning by 6:30am – by choice. I don’t look at the next 30 years of my life with dread. I don’t count the hours of the day that I have to keep working through… when I clock off in the evening, what I am most excited about is waking up and doing it all again. I truly love coaching, and I finally understand what it feels like to be living my purpose. I have also found the family that was waiting for me this whole time. I have found the community that I love so dearly. I have found the correct valley in the correct mountain range for me. I discovered what exists beyond satisfied.

This realization, and accomplishment, and the fruitful life that I live now is not out of reach for anyone. I am not special. I just never stopped looking for more. I never stopped believing that anything was out of reach for me.

Let me say to this point, it was not easy changing my life so many times. It was not done with limitless money or support. In my younger years I was always broke from traveling on the wages from multiple minimum wage jobs. I did everything cheap and rough, and had very few possessions. Later, I was almost always broke from moving so much and switching careers so often. It wasn't always fun, or carefree, or however people like to romanticize being someone who wanders. I had little to my name but experiences. I am very fortunate and very grateful that through the challenges I experienced in that transitory life, I grew a great deal of resilience.

If I think back to how my life was before I found my passion and started this business, I can’t help but cringe at imagining what it would be like now if I hadn't.

...What about you?

Try an activity with me:

Think of your life right now, and the change you are wanting to make. Maybe it's a big one, maybe it's a small one... maybe it's a huge one! You're not committing to making it in this exercise, just imagining it, so you don't have to feel anxious.

How long have you been aware that you wanted this change?

How long have you known about it, but kind of suppressed it? Like being aware of it, but setting it aside... tolerating the awareness bothering you from the background.

Now imagine your life 6 months from now if you still have not made that change.

How will you be feeling in 6 months if everything remains as it is right now?

What does your life look like if you don't change?

How much growth have you been able to achieve?

Okay now try imagining you did make that change. We're still 6 months from today, so you don't have to feel anxiety about having to make the change - you already did it, we're in the future. Really feel it; step into your imagination.

How do you feel, 6 months from having made that change in your life?

What does your life look like now?

How much growth have you achieved?

What is that feeling like? Not just what is the feeling, but where do you feel it?

Is it relief? Does the relief feel light in your body? Are you walking taller?

It is excitement? Can you feel butterflies in your stomach?

What is your face doing in your imagination? Are you smiling? Laughing? Calm and relaxed?

Does it feel good?

Those feelings are available to you. It takes resilience, it takes discomfort, and it takes bravery, but remember how you feel imagining you're 6 months down the road from your change. That feeling is well worth what it takes to get there.

You never know what you might find if you don't settle for satisfied.

Feeling gratitude for everything that came before, everything I have, and everything to come.